I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
