You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
