i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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