My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
