i think my mom watched the whole time
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
