In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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