ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize