Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
