there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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