GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Mom said you looked used
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
