I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Randomize