1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
