Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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