Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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