How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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