when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize