I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
