the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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