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I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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