Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize