dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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