dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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