I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
