The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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