how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
