does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize