I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Damn victory sex feels great
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
