I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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