Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize