I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Hippo gnu deer
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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