oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize