Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
