then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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