I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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