I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i believe in u and ur pee
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
