i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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