he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
