The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
