Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
