i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
