the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
