I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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