I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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