this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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