WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Bring me that man meat
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
