What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
