Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
