When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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