Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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