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She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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