What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I lost the right to judge tonight
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
