My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
