my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
