Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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