my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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