Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
