ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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