She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
