Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
