maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
