Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize