My pussy is not your playground.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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