I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
