she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
