the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
