i was born a porn star she said
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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