Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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