Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
