I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
