STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
