ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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