im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
