your thong is hanging out like whoa
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
