Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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