90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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