Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
