Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
