Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
