you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize