His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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