Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
