john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
