running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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