y did u give ur computer a hand job?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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