Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
