I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
