I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
