I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
