I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
