one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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