I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
