i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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