You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
