i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
