I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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